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Tengo un secreto.
I’m
afraid
to go
to Spain.
I leave in a couple of days, and I’m scared
But not for the usual reasons.
Viewing entries tagged
Life Lessons
"I'll figure it out." Ricardo hears that a lot when he comes to Portland.
Over and over again he hears it. Namely in rehearsals.
Probably because there is always A LOT to figure out.
MUCHO.
"We'll figure it out."
He became kind of obsessed with the phrase on a past visit. I said it many times. Perhaps because I felt so overwhelmed.
When I wasn't saying it he'd ask me to remind him how to say it.
And then one night he asked how to spell it,
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This is about getting therapy accidentally.
Accidentally and without a lot of work.
It's something you can try too.
Here's how it happened for me once...
An excerpt from something I wrote last summer:
Thursday was tough. For various unforeseen reasons. I wanted to just stay home and feel sorry for myself.
But, I didn't.
Well, I did for a bit, but then I made myself go to class with Danica.
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Ricardo asked me how things were going here in Jerez.
I told him everything was great
Everyone was happy. We were hearing tons of flamenco. Doing tons of flamenco. Learning a lot. The weather was nice...
"Todo bien," I told him, except that I felt like my body looked weird when I danced.
"Andaaaaa. Tu cabeza si que es rara."
"Come on! Your head is what is messed up," he told me.
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~ ¿Por qué? Muchas razónes... body mind challenge, growth, because I can, because I have to for sanity and so much more ~
"Why?
To connect To challenge To remember To create To shift To celebrate"
"Flamenco
asks me again and again to look inward. Through messing up, experimenting, and figuring out THAT step or THAT turn, I learn new things about myself. It's visceral. AND it's fun!"
"To see
what my body is capable of"
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I was rehearsing with Kuma the other day when I accidentally learned a bunch of lessons. All lessons that I'd learned before, as so often is the case.
He was playing cajón. I was dancing. And not long into things, the re-noticings started coming. One after another. I had to keep running over to my phone to write them down. Because I was so excited. And because I didn't want to forget.
After awhile, on account of one of the noticings, I realized it was time to stop running away from our practice to write them down.
This was important.
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Another story from Jerez...
Somehow I convinced everyone to go to bulerías class with me
I told them how it terrified me. I told them I was terrorized by it. But they still wanted to go.
I took them there even before our first class with Mercedes.
I needed for them to see it. I was hoping they would want to take it too. I was worried they might think it was too much on top everything else.
Physically it is not demanding. So, that would be no issue.
But mentally, well...
I had told them about it the night before
They were ready for certain things.
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You've heard me talk about Ani and her bulerías class and about bits of wisdom I've learned from her. I want to share another bit today.
It's one of those things she said that sent me scurrying to my notebook. I didn't think much about it when she said it. I just knew it was importante and that I wanted to write it down.
Concepts
In bulerías class you learn steps.
But you don't have to do them.
You can. Or you can do your own. Or someone else’s.
So, yes, you learn steps.
But you're really there to learn concepts.
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I wrote and posted this story about two years ago. I was so inspired by Akiko that I wanted to repost it today, with a few adjustments. Today when I am feeling overwhelmed and stressed out about all kinds of things.
Today when I am feeling shut down and scared to perform this weekend, as I so often get.
Today when I need grounding and inspiration.
Today I need to remember Akiko in the springtime in Sanlúcar...
Allow me to tell you a bit about Akiko, one of the many inspiring people I've met during my time here in Jerez.
Not too long ago Akiko began taking classes in Japan from Harumi, an incredibly graceful flamenco dancer from Osaka who básicamente seems to have mastered las bulerías de Jerez. She even co-teaches with Ana María López at la Peña los Cernícalos when she is in town.
But back to Akiko.
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It was November 2012, and I was in Jerez. My exotic pets had all gone home, except for one that is. And I kept getting messages, important messages... November 7, 2012
I started getting them about a week ago, the messages. Or that's when I started hearing them.
They were sent on various occasions.
But always during class.
And they were all more or less the same.
Occasion #1 | Monday morning at the peña
Things changed in bulerías this week.
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Another story from Jerez...
Getting in
One day in bulerías class Ani asked me to tell the ladies that getting in is the hardest part.
And so I did.
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Some good things have happened since my trip began. And I've already learned something very important. A story and a video of Manuel Liñan dancing.
On Monday I went to the Portland airport.
I befriended the woman standing behind me in the security line who, as it turns out, I already knew. We talked and I told her about my trip. She told me it was going to be great even though I was scared that everything would fall apart. She also told me I would definitely organize more...
On Tuesday I arrived in Madrid.
It was sunny and the sky was blue. I was in Spain and happy.
Now I am in Jerez. It is rainy and the sky is grey. I am still in Spain. I am still happy.
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I've told you before about how much I learn from flamenco. And I don't mean how much I learn about flamenco. Naturally I learn a lot about flamenco. But I'm talking about other things. Flamenco has kind of become one of my mentors.
Sí, un mentor para mí.
Trust
I have some issues when it comes to following my intuition.
I want to hear it. I want to trust it. I want to act on it.
If only it were that easy.
Fortunately flamenco has a lot to tell me about that.
Bulerías especially. Because with bulerías there are certain things I need to do. And as it turns out, these things also assist me in going with my gut.
Be there completely
Focus and attune to what is happening with the palmas, guitar, cante, jaleos. Be there, truly be there.
Be Present
Listen a lot
To the compás. To the guitar. To the palmas. To the cante. When I'm dancing and when I'm not. Listen and really get to know it.
Listen
Allow what needs to happen to happen
I must let myself feel the music. And let myself feel whatever I'm feeling.
Allow
Respond to what I hear in a way that feels right to me
Follow what's happening with the music. Respond to the signals I pick up on. When the singer resolves, let my body reflect that.
Act
Flamenco requires trust. If I don't trust while dancing, well, then, I’m only kind of sort of doing it. And, by the way, I still find myself there often. But, it's okay. Because each time I do and notice and reflect on it, I learn something about myself.
Your thoughts? I'd love to hear them. You can leave a comment.
The next bulerías series begins this Saturday. All of the info is here.
I want to talk about sinking in. I want to talk about breaks.
I want to talk about stuff that relates to the wisdom of the body.
I want to talk about productivity.
And how they're all connected.
Connected and overlapping...
Breaks
Last Wednesday I went to the studio early before class to practice. I felt tired. So tired. I walked in the door and suddenly felt even more tired. I opened the curtains, opened the windows, turned on the fan. Still so sleepy. Sleepy all over. Quite obviously my body was trying to tell me something very important.
Take a break.
So, I did. I had to. There was actually no other choice.
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In class I'm often saying that soon the body will just know what to do, without having to think about it so much. Because it's true.
Take the hands for instance. Las manos.
Hand movement is one of those elements of flamenco that seems to get just about everyone. Even professionals who come to flamenco from other dance forms have told me this aspect drives them crazy. Getting them to look good is one thing. Then how much harder steps become when we add hands… and fingers, Ay! Another thing.
Still, there comes a time when they just start moving on their own. Fluidly. Doing things we didn't know they could or would do... It can be surprising when this first happens.
But there is a catch.
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Ricardo was here this spring...in case you hadn't heard. He was constantly giving us tips during the workshops. Many great tips. I've shared some of them and I'll surely share more.
But perhaps just as helpful were the little phrases I heard him say over and over again.
He didn't really intend them as tips. They were not things that he carefully considered before sharing with us. They were more just reactions, spoken in the moment.
And, oh, these little comments had a lot to tell me.
So I want to keep hearing them.
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A lot of things go through my head around workshop time, which can drive me kind of crazy. So, to help deal with overwhelm that comes about before, during & after a workshop with a fabulously amazing artist I try to remember that there are certain things I can do to make it easier...
Antes
Think about what I want to get from it.
Remind myself that the teacher is just a regular person, and, if it's someone I'm bringing, that this person is nice. Being nice...a requirement for giving a workshop here. Phew.
Remind myself that this is an amazing and once in a lifetime experience.
Get in flamenco form. [Go to class, practice, stuff like that...]
Durante
Focus on what I'm doing, instead of on how fast others are getting it.
Be there, as fully as I possibly can.
Go through parts that I remember in some way after class. [In my mind, actually doing it, just marking the steps, going over it with a friend...]
Run the steps right before class begins with a friend of by myself. [All, tricky ones, whichever ones I/we can recall]
Jot down notes to help me during the workshop or to serve as reminders afterit is over. [using words, pictures, numbers]
When I get frustrated, remind myself of why I am doing this. And that it is about having fun.
Laugh.
And Breathe.
Y Después
Reflect on what I learned & notice how I grew, what I got from it.
Hold on to what I want to... [The choreography, the essence, one specific move.]
Practice with a friend.
Practice on my own, perhaps with a video.
Palmas workshop with Ricardo López
I don't necessarily do all of the above. But I know that there are ways to ease the situation. I know that I have options. I know that I can pick and choose.
And you, how do you prepare for a workshop? What do you do afterward? Let's discuss this, leave a comment.
And, speaking of workshops, Emilio is on his way. Oléeeee! And there is still a spot for YOU!
The following post is about fear, about overwhelm, perhaps about stage fright. About Ricardo López's dancing and reaching my lack of motivation.
We've had all week to work on the show.
But I've felt FROZEN.
Congelada. I've found any excuse not to practice, not to get the help I wanted from Ricardo… At first I didn't know why. I just decided I was lazy.
I only went through things in my head. I know, I know, that's an important way of practicing.
Ricardo is sharp. He is fast. He is precise. He is intense. He sweats. He puts it all out there. I don't understand how he does this. I don't do this.
And I feel lazy.
Ricardo is the star. I am still just me.
Ok, so I realized something this morning.
This might be my Dancing with the Stars...
I remember seeing that show and thinking how lucky those celebrities are to get to have their own personal, amazingly talented dance coach for an intensive period. There was some envy and jealousy. Then, as I mentioned, this morning I thought
Wait, isn't' that similar to what I have going on right now?
Ok, so let's look at this.
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I have this thing in me that shows up a lot, Doubt, which I guess comes from Fear. It keeps me from doing all kinds of things, or has me do things kind-of-sort-of rather than completely. It bothers and annoys me, though I suppose it might have important things to tell me, perhaps it is there for a reason. I don’t usually know why or what it has to tell me, but I’d like to start paying more attention and perhaps find out.